Honestly, I was one of the lucky ones. As I watched family and friends around me succumb to an ever changing landscape and lose their jobs because of the pandemic and who were not considered essential personnel, I just moved an already online position, home.
I work for a major community college in South Florida and for the last five years I have been online advising. Although our team was housed on campus, we only work with the online population of our students. Meaning that I was located in our business building with IT, HR, our Online Team and the Online Associate Deans and that was it. Students never really saw us face to face, unless they made the mistake of driving to our ‘campus’ only to realize it wasn’t a campus and become really embaressed lol.
Thus, when we got our marching orders in March 2020 that the college would be moving to a remote enviornment, nothing really changed for us and our daily operations. The biggest change being I was now home bound with the family 24X7. The biggest hurdle being that instead of hearing my colleagues in the background, occassionally there were two small children that could be heard, which students honestly seemed to love (I guess we were all in the same boat at that point). I think if anything, it brought normalcy to the conversation and our rapport building actually strengthened. Sometimes you just need to know that your Advisor is a human too I guess ;).
In starting this conversation, I fully recognize that by this point, many if not most jobs have transitioned back to the office and I know that for many people they were THRILLED by this. So if you do not agree with the following sentiments, that is a 100% okay. Heck, I am an extrovert by nature and love being around people, but honestly after being remote for over two years, I do not think I could go back to the office if I tried (other than obviously required meetings, etc.) and plus with gas prices being the way they are, I am good where I am…thanks!
Its strangely weird that as extroverted as I am, how much I have taken on an introverted personality. I will literally find anyway to get out of something because I prefer being amoung the comforts of our home, our kids, and our streaming service. Has any other extrovert experienced this relapse?
I truly believe that if companies (depending on the type and service) looked at the work productivity and the cost of ‘keeping the lights on’, many would be suprised that really it would just be better to stay the remote front and continue to let people work from home if they so chose. If I am getting my work done and providing the same service that I did in the office, you do not have to worry about housing me, then there is no reason for me to be there especially since I was not seeing students face to face anyway. If anything, I am working harder. I no longer have the 45 minute commute (thank the gods) and rather then spending the time in the morning dressing up, stopping for coffee and driving into work, I am now spending that time on my computer checking and answering emails to make sure that the day runs smoothly and that students are getting reached out to in a timely manner (a majority of my STEM babies prefer the ol’ email route rather than setting up an appointment anyway).
Again, I know this is not for everyone and for a lot of people the act of working from home with kids may have wanted you to commit a blue-collar crime, but I was beyond grateful for the ‘gift’ that the College presented me with. As some of you might know my journey with EV was something else and I missed soooo many ‘firsts’ and it can be hard looking back trying to remember if I was there for her first steps or words, so being able to have this time and watch her grow her vocabularly and watch Danny begin to run, say his first words, begin to play with his sister, is something I will never ever forget (mainly because I have documented EVERYTHING) and something that I will remain eternally grateful for. Even on the days where they are seeing who can screech the loudest and it sounds like a dying Albatross has entered my home. Okay, maybe I am a little less grateful those days.
Friends that only remained home for several weeks and then had to find a way back to the office asked me how I did it, how I could function at home being with the kids the entire time and Sean. Well the truth of it, is that I didn’t always do it. I spent some afternoons having an anxiety attack in my backyard while the kids and Sean were in the house. Sean would keep the kids away while I laid on the cool green grass and let the anxiety wash over me. I ended up developing mitrovalve prolapse so that was fun. I cried a lot and contemplated what I was doing and if it was enough and was I demonstrating to my job that our team could handle remaining online while the rest of the world went back into place (or tried too). I worried if I was carrying my weight as a parent since Sean was with the kids most of the time and I was on the phone with students getting them excited about their educational journey. I made myself lists upon lists and kept a planner to make sure I stayed on task even with trivial things like vaccuming, doing laundry, etc., because if I didn’t keep moving I was afraid that the anxiety I was feeling for the first time ever was going to consume every part of me. These feelings were not every day and there was nothing occuring that triggered them and I felt guilty that I shouldn’t be experiencing this as we had fresh food in our house, a safe comfortable home and our kids were healthy (knock on wood), but I still experienced feelings of bottoming out. As a person who likes being in control, not having control over your emotions and not understanding why you are feeling the way can be debilitating. However, one day, I just felt lighter and things felt easier and every day is just a day of making lists, celebrating the small successes and accomplishments and relishing the opportunity that I am home and getting to watch my kids grow into the little humans that they are becoming. Although I am not overly religious, I can see why there are a lot of people that read daily inspirations or devotionals.
I wish I could say that it has been frustrating not having the normalcy of going into work or that being with the kids all day and sequestered to an office in the house is exhausting (okay, maybe a little), or that I miss being on campus, but the reality is, I don’t. I am more productive at home, none of my students have sacrificed their advising experience and I am not driving 45 minutes. Have I brought that up in the last 5 minutes yet?! One thing I have definitely learned about myself in the pandemic is how I abhor driving and will avoid it all costs. What! I can pay a delivery fee for Flaming Hot Lays and have them delivered rather then drive the three minutes to Target?! Yes please!!
In the beginning, Hubs and I organized all of the kids arts and crafts. We ordered all the water activities off of Target and every washable marker and paint set one could think of. I had turned every holiday into an overboard day of decorations and activities, but as the pandemic has gone on, I am just happy that they transition from pajamas to clothes on the daily. Has this happened to anyone else where you have gone from overboard to just staying afloat? I think this is where a good majority of my anxiety and mom guilt lies in that I just stopped doing this stuff. Sean is great at making sure everthing is deployed, but I am the one that puts everything together, gets all the materials, plans all the activities and let me tell you friends, it is exhausting! But the other side of the coin is that I miss it and I want to be able to start doing it again, but by the end of the day, I am so worn out from work, trying to build a separate business and everything else that it is hard wanting to do anything else but play Wordle or scroll through the ‘Gram.
All this to say that managing a household, working remote, making sure that the tiny humans are alive and just enjoying life can be hard…give yourself grace, but there are things that can be in place to make things a little easier or help you feel that something….anything is being taken off of your plate so these are just some things that have worked for me and hopefully will help you.
I recently interacted with a colleague who told me that lists make her nuts (mind blown I know). That seeing a list makes her feel less and less likely to do it and she ends up just wanting to procrastinate entirely since it is ‘in your face’. She builds the list in her mind (sounds like a sadist thing….I kid) and ‘just knows’ what she needs to do and that is how she accomplishes things. Our other colleague was on Teams with us and we just sat their blinking at each other cause I could not fathom this ever working for me, but it was super interesting to hear how it works for her.
- As talked about prior, I need a list. I like checking things off, seeing what I have to do and knowing that even though not everything is getting accomplished, some if not all things are. Not matter how small the project, such as folding laundry, it gets put on the list and once it is done, it gets checked off. I love someone that can do this via their phone and for work we often use Trello (a super cool app for the data and planner oriented), but I am old fashioned and love myself a planner. I use it daily and it is filled with everything from appointments, to tasks for work and my business that I need to do to the small things like laundry, look up a particular recipe, make a doctor or hair apptointment, etc. I normally get a medium sized planner that I can throw in a workbag as I like to have plenty of space on the daily to put notes.
- I make 30 minutes for myself daily. You can even break this up if you feel that you do not have that sort of time in one chunk. This is for anything whether it be to go for a little walk, read, journal, start my blog or do tasks for my website (I at least have one a day). I find this has done wonders both for my anxiety, mental health, satisfaction in my job, and over all well-being.
- Now this has been the hardest and maintains a struggle, but I am working on staying off my phone unless absolutely necessary starting at 730PM. I found that I was so exhausted at night that I would plop my happy butt on the couch, immerse myself in my phone and before I knew it, two hours passed and I haven’t done anything with the kids. By no means am I saying that you do not need this now and again, I need this now and again, but it was becoming more regular than I was comfortable with. How I deal with this is that I put my phone on the charger in a completely different room than where we are. I have to REALLY need to get to my phone if I want it. Having it plugged in right next to me was doing no favors.
- If you are tackling house projects do it in chunks. I think everyone can speak that when the pandemic hit, they wanted to reorganize every single space in their home or cook everything they never had time to do before. When it comes to house projects try to do the room in sections (closet, bathroom, vanity, bureau, etc). It will be easier not to be overwhelmed and to feel that it is too big of a project to get done or put it off. Make sure you make a list of all the organization storage and resource/tools that you need so that once the project is started it can be completed in the same timeframe and you are not waiting for things to arrive. Use those little hands in your house by giving them tasks, such as; sorting. It will be a few minutes of extra time together and you can use it to talk, make up stories, sing songs whatever. If I had a house project, I would set aside some of my lunch where I still had that morning energy and use it to get through something on my list.
- I set up Mama phone playdates (video or not…pick your poison). I pick a day of the week and call a friend (any friend) and get some of that interaction I am missing out on by not being in the office. Sometimes it is a work friend just because I was missing the gossip of what is happening on the inside, but for the most part it is one of my besties where we just catch up for 20-40 minutes. I coordinate this with Sean since afterall he is with the kids all day and that way I can get the time uninterrupted (he can occupy said children). This should not be the same as the 30 minutes you set aside for yourself as these phone calls can be a source of venting for your friend or even yourself so having time for just you and an activity of your choosing is important and should be kept separate.
- Our life is not traditional in the sense that Sean is able to spend time with the kids during the day and homeschool them, so we are with one another A LOT. Being able to talk through situations quickly and with respect in front of the kids has been a necessity. As I am sure you are aware, spending so much time with one person can make mountains out of molehills very easily. I mentioned it in one of my earlier blogs, but there was a tweet that was talking about him and his wife and how they implemented the statement “do you want comfort or solutions?” and it saved a bunch of their arguments. It has worked wonders for how Sean and I communicate when we are just fed up with whatever (even one another lol). This statement in general can be used with anyone that you are having a more intense or venting conversation with. It. Is. A. Lifesaver….literally!
- Communication has been key and also having a planner with the two of us has proved pivotal to me not spiraling out and becoming annoyed with everything. I can come up with activities for the kids to do and we put them on the planner so that Sean knows what activities are taking place and what will be needed for said activity. The night before we can gather everything together and have it ready to go. This also creates less stress from Sean from having to try and find everything in my organizational system that he never pays attention too. Plus, having a gameplan in place assures that we have everything we need and nothing needs to get last minute picked up (Target Driveup is the real MVP here), it is taking place on a day that if extra hands (mine) are needed that they are there, and that we are a united front when it comes to the lesson plans of that day. Their age gap shows the most here since they love spending time together, but the Commodore obviously is not learning the same things EV is and it can be really frustrating for him not to be more involved and I am working so there is that…any tips on this front would be appreciated. I use the same planner I use for my daily although you could probably get a small other one just for this. It works better for me to have everything in one place, so I just section off a space for lesson plans and activities for EV and Commodore.
Are any of you still working from home? How are you balancing life, work and kids? OR is there just a lot of wine and french fries involved because honestly I am here for that too.
